Dear Single Mom,
I see you. I stand with you. I am you.
My children are all grown up now but I raised them by myself, as a single parent. I know that Mother’s Day can usher in a mix of emotions for single moms. Often times, single mothers get the short end of the stick on Mother’s Day. As the primary caregivers, if not the only caregiver, we buy the gifts and celebrate all the other people in our lives. When the one holiday devoted to celebrating us rolls around, we can be left feeling unappreciated, especially when we have small children who don’t yet realize the significance of the day. Whether you are divorced, a widow, or the only parent who shows up, you can make Mother’s Day truly special by adding your unique tweak to the day.
Here are four ways to own Mother’s Day;
1. Write Your “Inner Mom” A Letter
When is the last time you thought about how awesome you are at being a mom? Think about all the ways you show up for your children, all that you pour into them and how much being a mother has changed you in good and positive ways. Then write it out in a letter to yourself. Remember what Mother’s Day is about. The presents and accolades are okay but Mother’s Day is really about celebrating and honoring motherhood. Celebrate yourself by acknowledging everything that you do, the awesome little humans you are raising, and how far you have come. Write that love letter to you and tuck it away for the next time you need some encouragement!
For me being a single mom was like an obstacle course filled with hurdles to jump. Once I jumped the hurdles I did not look back. I have learned that its helpful to look back every now and again to see how far you’ve come! You will realize that you are resilient and way more powerful than you thought!
Khalilah
2. Show Your Children How To Love You
Even if you have small children, you can begin teaching them how to show appreciation for others. Start by explaining to them why Mother’s Day is so important. Show them, in age-appropriate ways, how they can communicate their appreciation for you. For little ones– help them make a handprint card or show them (again) how you like to see their toys put away. For older children-ask them to make you breakfast and let you sleep in or clean out an area of the house you have been meaning to get to.
One of the great things you can incorporate into this activity is teaching your children your love language. How do you receive love from others? If you don’t know, here is a brief quiz to help you discover your love language. Whatever your love language is, teach them how they can speak it. You would not only be loving on yourself but this will help you raise children who are thoughtful and considerate to the people in their world.
3. Write Your Children A Letter
You are a Mom because of the children you are raising. Tell them what being a mother to them means to you. Time passes so quickly and few things tap into capturing the real raw emotion of how you are feeling right now like writing a letter. Writing a letter to your children can be a unique way to fully express your love and devotion to them. Depending on their age, they may not “get it” right now, however, letters are great bonding tools and keepsakes for the future. Write each child their own individualized letter sharing with them how much you love them and what makes them unique to you. Look at or think of those beautiful children you are raising, and remind yourself that the reason that they are such incredible little people, is because of you. Then write it out in your letter to them.
4. Celebrate Another Single Mom
Are there single moms in your circle who you know are not feeling the love on Mother’s Day? Whether in your immediate circle or within your community there are many women having a hard time on the day we celebrate Moms. A good way to shake any negative feelings you may be having is to think of how you can celebrate other people. Take the initiative and create a unique way to celebrate these women.
Do you know a single mom in your neighborhood whose kids live far away? Take her flowers, or take her to lunch, or simply invite her over for coffee. Together, you can share in honoring one another on Mother’s Day.
Call your local homeless shelter to find out what the needs are for the women living there. Bring gifts to share with the moms’ living there, add a Happy Mother’s Day card with a note of encouragement and hope.
What about that teen mother you are thinking of who is having a tough time? Surprise her with a grocery store gift card tucked in a Mother’s Day card and find a way to give it to her without her knowing who it came from. Sign it “From one strong mom to another.”
BONUS TIP!- Plan Your Day
While you are thinking of others remember to celebrate you! If you find yourself alone, whether this is your first Mother’s Day or you have been a single mom for many years, please make yourself count in any way you can. Set an intention for the day and plan it any way you want. Celebrate yourself no matter how small on that day, or the next, or throughout the whole week if you want. Schedule a massage and a mani-pedi. Have lunch at your favorite restaurant. Buy yourself some pretty flowers, go walk through a beautiful state park or garden and fill the day with whatever makes you feel special, at peace, or fills up your self-love cup.
I hope these tips help you to make this and every other Mother’s Day as awesome as you are. Whatever you decide to do on this day, know that you are special, your role as mom is very important and that you are deserving to spend this day happy!
Happy Mother’s Day.
P.S DID YOU KNOW?
According to a 2019 Pew Research Center report on single parents in the United States, nearly a quarter of children under age 18 are living with one parent and no other adults. Not surprisingly, women are more likely than men to live as single parents.
You Are Not Alone
- Have you just parted ways with your partner, and are feeling lost?
- Do you need help balancing your work around your life?
- Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with feeling empowered?
Therapy can help! Schedule your free 15-minute consultation with Khalilah Slade of Research Triangle Counseling today!